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media markt vs. leroy merlin


En lo que se ha convertido ya en uno de los peores días de mi vida, el sábado estuve varias horas en el Media Markt y en el Leroy Merlín, pongamos que 3 horas y cuarto en el Media Markt y 42 minutos en el Leroy Merlin.

Al Media Markt le doy un 9. Merecidísimo. Entre vitrocerámicas, neveras, y hornos pirolíticos -pagaría por saber el ratio de gente que pregunta por hornos paralíticos...-, hay un par de oasis en forma de islotes de DVDs a precio de puta risa que si te lo tomas como "acepto una hora de lavadoras a cambio de 15 minutos de DVDs" puedes acabar cogiéndole cariño al sitio y todo.

Y luego está el momento impagable de salir y ver a mareas de gente con bolsas en las que pone en grande "Yo no soy tonto" y piensas que, efectivamente, alguien desde alguna ventana allá arriba se está descojonando de todos nosotros, pero eso es otro tema.

En un acto de superación prácticamente inigualable, me la jugué doble o nada al Leroy Merlín, que eso es harina de otro costal. Cuando entras por primera vez a un sitio de estos -como era el caso- siempre siempre es bueno darle unos minutos de respeto, de ver si te manejas sólo, pero a los 9 minutos, el respeto se torna en desesperación. Al Leroy Merlín entras a solucionar un problema y sales con 7. A la mierda, tú. Caos total. Hay un momento en el que te imaginas haciendo el puente toda tu vida para encender la luz.

Pero una vez -minuto 14 más/menos- en el que te fijas en el luminoso y ya vas Leroy Merlín 9-Tú 0, si optas por analizar a la población pensando claramente en este post, te puedes echar unas risas, incluso. Porque te fijas en las cajas del Leroy Merlín, en las cosas que se lleva la gente, y yo iba decodificando todo en chapuzas galácticas. La gente se lleva metros de tejabana como si fueran barras de pan. En la caja me tocó al lado un señor que iba con dos sacos de cemento -yo pensaba que el cemento no se podía vender así, al por mayor, y ahora que lo pienso, no debería venderse así de fácil- y como en estos sitios se fomenta el colegueo inter-paisanos me dijo "...no veas la que estoy liando en el baño, tardaron menos en hacer El Escorial", mientras yo asentía imaginándome el estropicio.

Así que para él y su baño va dedicado este post.

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Yo voy mucho a Leroy Merlin. Ya soy un senior allí. Al que corta metraquilato me lo tengo ganadísimo. Esa tienda me maravilla porque es como un supermundo de utensilios. Todo lo que puedas necesitar está allí. Lo raro es que no tenga comida. Los carromatos esos son expectaculares. La sección de tornillos es una auténtica maravilla. Hay toda una línea de enchufes y antenas para televisión. Es un mundo nuevo en el que aprender todo eso que sabe la gente que habla de todo y yo no tengo ni zorra. Me maravilla.
 
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